As a lifelong Denver Broncos fan, there are a lot of mean things I could say about Tom Brady. But, my momma told me to be a positive person. Alright then. I am positive that I like these five things more than Tom Brady.

First, I will admit there are people that like Tom Brady. Most of them are women or dudes that are pretty like him.

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Tom Brady lovers have the right to be wrong. This is America. I have the right to my list. So, here I go. Things I like more than Tom Brady.

5. Anthrax


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Anthrax can kill you. It can also make your skin look really nasty. How can this be better than Tom Brady? At least Anthrax had a good band named after it. No bands I like named Tom Brady. And, given the choice between having anthrax on me or Tom Brady. Easy answer: anthrax.

4. Corey Feldman


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Corey Feldman was one of the most irritating child actors ever. He still likes to dress like Michael Jackson. Why is he better than Tom Brady? Corey Feldman was in the movie "The Goonies". Tom Brady was not in "The Goonies".

3. Hemochromotosis

Hemochromotosis is a serious blood disorder. How can it possibly be better than Tom Brady? Hemochromotosis can make your balls shrink. Of all people on Earth, you would think that Tom Brady would appreciate that.

2. Gas Station Restrooms

There are few things in life more fearful than a gas station toilet. This is where hope goes to die. Many diseases are spread through these critters. Yet, a bathroom toilet in a crucial moment can provide you relief. When it comes to Tom Brady, no relief still with the possibility of diseases.

1. Kanye West

It's possible that Kanye West may be the most unpopular person on the planet. Yet, I like him more than Tom Brady. Why? It's easy. Kanye West steals microphones on award shows. I don't watch award shows. This means I don't see Kanye West. I unfortunately have to see Tom Brady once or twice a year on my TV when he plays the Broncos. Therefore, I see Tom Brady.