Finally, a medication that denizens all over Brooklyn, San Francisco and Portland have been waiting for! Or at least, we hope they've been waiting for it.

Allow us to introduce you to Unpretentiousil — a "doctor recommended" medicine said to cure that pesky HIPSTER disease that appears to be spreading like wildfire throughout our culture. Standing for "Hyper Involuntary Panic Stress Tension Elevation Response Disorder," HIPSTER targets both men and women from that ages of 16-35, leaving those infected often seen as scarf-wearing, fair trade-purchasing, blogging parasites.

Before you laugh too hard, be warned: over-policing other people's HIPSTER status could be a sign that you've already become infected.

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