It might not be very cost efficient, but a vodka and water mix can act as antifreeze for your car. Apparently such a solution will also keep your elephant from freezing.
Yes poop coffee exists and is very expensive. You might be surprised how many different varieties exist from as many different species and how much people are willing to pay.
There are many reasons why you shouldn't drive impaired. Especially because, in your altered state, you will make ridiculous excuses for your crime upon being confronted with it. You'll do something like blame it on circus animals.