The [Fairer Se]X Files

This is my best friend, Eliot. I won't be cocky and say that he's better than yours, but he's hard to beat.

Most people are scared of normal things like dying, or being trampled by a pack of wild elephants. If you ask me, both of those things seem fine...and mostly inevitable, given my life trajectory thus far. My greatest fear? You're looking at him.

There are times in my life (for instance, when in the presence of Andrew W.K.) where I am unspeakably grateful to have a tool in my pocket to document my increasingly-ridiculous life. A couple of weeks ago, I found myself phone-less in the Big Apple for almost an entire week. Things got really weird.

There's so much in the way of world peace that it can sometimes feel like we'll never get there. As humans, we all have opinions and desires that clash with those of others, and our fierce defense of those things often leads to un-bridgeable gaps that divide us, creating conflict. I think I have found one thing we can all agree on, though: Guy Fieri is a hilarious douche.

So I broke it off with someone I really liked a lot three days ago, and then immediately got the flu. I don't want to talk about it, leave me alone. I mean, Happy Valentine's Day! Let me tell you about the weird dream I had last night!

Life advice: Don't drunkenly text a picture like this to your neighbor with some slightly-misspelled version of "I made a bedsheet tent, are you still awake?" unless you love opening big, awkward cans of worms. In other news: I'm thinking about installing a breathalyzer on my phone.

When I got on Facebook way back in 2004, it was a network created specifically for college students. In order to join, you had to have a college email address. We all migrated over from Myspace and Friendster and left "testimonials" on each other's walls, because we had no idea what we were supposed to do. Today, Facebook is getting really creepy, and so last night I decided to start mak

Hi, I'm Jackie and I'm a grown up punk who genuinely adores Taylor Swift. Note: If you think this picture is embarrassing, just wait.