Hot Mess of the Day

Itchy Ida — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: 3 feet from your itch, and still scratching it.
Hardest Things to Do With Long Nails: Playing Angry Birds, giving cootie shots.
Skills: Picking locks, changing the car radio station from the back seat, dosing cocaine.
Her Motto: "It's a long way to the top...
Britney Breakfasttime — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: Your kitchen.
How She Got In: "Hush, you're so silly! How do you like your eggs?"
Hobbies: Perfecting her french toast recipe, gluing small pieces of dry cereal to her body to eliminate the need for clothing.
Skills: One-handed frying pan flips, un-t…
Brenda Bigcats — Hot Mess of the Day
Occupation: Webcam actress, docent at the Native American Heritage Museum, big cat enthusiast.
Secret Talent: Feeding cougar impression.
3 Things She Can’t Live Without: Peyote, wi-fi, and her leopard print Snuggie.
Her Motto: “Katmandu, but cat woman can do better...
Theresa the Terrible — Hot Mess of the Day
Occupation: Full-time hair model, part-time dishrag.
Skills: Clogging shower drains, meeting new friends.
3 Things She Can’t Live Without: The "Whip My Hair Back And Forth" remix (only MP3 on her 1st generation iPod), Horse-grade hair conditioner, and a…
What a Mess!
Name: Allie the Asphyxiator (pictured right)
Location: The 'special accommodations needed' aisle on the airplane.
Occupation: Paperweight.
Tommy Two-Tone — Hot Mess of the Day
Name: Tommy Two-Tone
Location: Newark, NJ
Occupation: Professional leather sofa-impersonator, cab driver.
Hobbies: Getting spray-tans with a bag over his head, olympic weight lifting, smirking triumphantly.
5 Things He Can’t Live Without: Self-tanner for touch-ups, his Criterion Collection copy of 'The …

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