Colorado is Officially Way Too Fast in the Sack

So you think they aren't spying on us, huh? Then tell me how in the world we now know how long each state lasts in bed. Actually, there are people allowing them to figure out that you are a two-pump-chump by using the Spreadsheets App, a mobile app that uses your phone's accelerometer and speakers to figure out when/how long you are getting it on. 

A whole bunch of smart nerds who probably don't get laid instead obsessed over the data they get from the app, and have successfully figured out which states last the longest, and of course which ones have the most disappointed wives in the country.

The study brings both good news and bad news.

Bad news is that our great state of Colorado is way down towards the bottom, only lasting 2:21 per romp. But I say we blame that B.S. on the altitude. If you ever get to going real good, you are likely to run out of breath here, so we take breaks. We really aren't done at 2 minutes, it's just a resting period where this app assumed we were finished.

Good news is that if this study really bothers you (ladies), all the states that are near us are higher on the list. Wyoming, Nebraska, Utah, Arizona, they are all up there. The kings of lasting the longest (or maybe home to the most lesbians) is just a short drive south to New Mexico!

Also, if you know anyone from Alaska you now forever have dirt on them...

1. New Mexico - (7:01)

2. West Virginia - (5:38)

3. Idaho - (5:11)

4. South Carolina - (4:48)

5. Missouri - (4:22)

6. Michigan -(4:14)

7. Utah - (3:55)

8. Oregon - (3:51)

9. Nebraska - (3:47)

10. Alabama - (3:38)

11. Delaware - (3:33)

12. Hawaii - (3:28)

13. Wisconsin - (3:22)

14. North Dakota - (3:18)

15. Arizona - (3:17)

16. Maryland - (3:15)

17. Mississippi - (3:10)

18. Rhode Island - (3:09)

19. Connecticut - (3:07)

20. Texas - (3:06)

21. New Hampshire - (3:04)

22. Wyoming - (3:03)

23. New York - (3:01)

24. Pennsylvania - (2:58)

25. Maine - (2:58)

26. Washington - (2:51)

27. Iowa - (2:50)

28. Illinois - (2:49)

29. North Carolina - (2:47)

30. Tennessee - (2:46)

31. Kansas - (2:38)

32. California - (2:38)

33. Massachusetts - (2:31)

34. Florida - (2:29)

35. New Jersey - (2:28)

36. Indiana - (2:26)

37. Virginia - (2:23)

38. Oklahoma - (2:21)

39. Colorado - (2:21)

40. Minnesota - (2:19)

41. Ohio - (2:18)

42. Louisiana - (2:17)

43. Kentucky - (2:14)

44. Arkansas - (2:08)

45. District of Columbia - (2:08)

46. Nevada - (2:07)

47. Georgia - (2:07)

48. Montana - (2:03)

49. Vermont - (1:48)

50. South Dakota - (1:30)

51. Alaska - (1:21)