Why Peaches That Aren’t From Palisade Suck
Palisade will be celebrating their annual Peach Festival this weekend. There's a good reason for them to party. Compared to Palisade peaches, the other 2000 varieties suck. Here's why the other peaches wish they could be from Palisade.
Babcock - These peaches are practically white and if there's anything we've learned from the news lately is that white is bad. Plus, they're from California. Strike two. The final nail in this peaches coffin - if it was possible for fruit to have a coffin - is that they're way too tangy.
Fairhaven - Fairhaven peaches are from Michigan. Do you know who else is from Michigan? Taylor Lautner from the Twilight movies, that's who. That fact alone should disqualify Fairhaven from peach consideration.
Floridaprince - Have you ever seen a Floridaprince peach? Compared to Palisade, they look like peaches that have gone bad. If you let a Palisade peach sit for two weeks in the sun, it would still look better than a Floridaprince peach. Plus, Floridaprince peaches are from Florida. So, no.
J.H. Hale - I will give this peach credit. It smells good. Too bad for this peach is that it's not nearly as pleasing to eat. The extra fuzz these things have makes you feel like you're chewing on Tom Selleck's chin after a week of camping. While some ladies may smile at this thought, not this dude.
May Pride - May Pride peaches taste OK but, to me, they look like an apple. If you're going to look like an apple, be an apple. As for me, I'll take a Palisade peach over this impostor any day.
Red Baron - Red Baron was an epic World War I German pilot. But, as a peach, no. It looks like a lemon trying to be a peach. Sorry Baron, but you're going down. Again.
Snow Beauty - This white peach will remind your kids of the movie Frozen. So, if you'd like to remind them that they haven't sung the song "Let it Go" continuously in your car for a few months, get this peach and it will happen. Palisade peaches will not remind your kids of Frozen and that alone makes them a better peach.