Masked Masturbater on the Loose

Authorities in Oregon are looking for a masked Masturbater who chased a woman down the street with his organ in hand. The victim was walking down the street when a man mumbled something to her, pulled a mask over his face, pulled out his crank and started to go to town.

The lady told police that the Masturbater stopped chasing her when she ran into the street and called 911. I’m not sure how fast he could be with his junk in his hands but ladies I have a couple ideas of how to take care of this.

The first thing that comes to mind is tazer him right in his ‘you know’. Tazers are a great self-defense item to have and easy to get. Just think about the look on his face when the volts start to fly. It might be the best jerk he ever got.

If you don’t have a tazer then try this. When he whips it out pull out your phone take a picture and start laughing uncontrollably. By the time he recovers you will be long gone and you have a great story to tell with pictures at the next party.

Now if you can’t make the phone trick work just punch him right in his stuff. Most ladies have sharp rings on and with his stuff exposed a shot to the junk will fix his urge to masturbate and give plenty of time to get away.

If all else fails just do the old tried and true and kick him in the balls. Have a great weekend and be on the look out for the masked Masturbater.