Genital Dying – Yes, It’s Real

We have all heard of anal bleaching, the trend where you let people rub cleaning agents on your ass until it shines white... Turns out that's not the only private part you can the change colors of...

So, if you decided you wouldn't be satisfied with just changing the color of your pubes, you can totally bleach the brown hell out of the actual flesh on your genitalia.

And yes, of course you can do it yourself, in the comfort of your own home. But wait, there's more! Should you, for some petty reason, be wary of subjecting your soft tissues to detergents, you can also dye the area with the hue of your choice.

My New Pink Button, which is simultaneously the most accurate and the most horrifying product name we've ever heard, allows you to choose from four colors, not all of which -- if any -- are all that normal. One, in fact, flat-out admits to be basically vaginal lipstick.

Fun fact: My New Pink Button can also be used for nipples. The bleach, too.

By the way... If your date has a problem with the color of your genitals after getting close enough to see them, it probably wasn't going to work out anyway.