The fact is, I really don't want anything for Christmas -- except maybe a couple of pieces of pumpkin pie and some sugar cookies. But, there are five things that I for sure don't want to find underneath the Christmas tree this year.

  • 1

    FRUITCAKE

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    Not this year, not next year, not in the next life, not ever. Read my lips. I don't want a fruit cake. I can not handle the various textures it offers, not do I want to even attempt such a feat. I understand there are people that love fruitcake, but I am in the group of millions that despise it. To quote Dr. Seuss "I wouldn't touch you with a 39 1/2 foot pole." Make it banana nut bread - heavy on the nuts - and I'm all in.

  • 2

    SNOW

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    Call me Scrooge, but I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas. If it snows, fine, I'm not going anywhere, but it's certainly not high on my wish list. The problem is that if we get snow on Christmas Day it's likely to stick around for a month or more --and that just means lots of cold, cold, cold.

  • 3

    A BRONCOS LOSS

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    The Broncos play the Kansas Chiefs on Christmas night. Watching the Broncos lose is a lousy way to end a wonderful day like Christmas. Sure, I don't HAVE to watch, but, that's not really an option. It's what fans do. It's not that I EXPECT them to win, but the last thing I want on my mind before I go to bed on Christmas night is getting beat down by the Chiefs. I would actually rather think about the fruitcake I just opened.

  • 4

    THE FLU

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    A lot of sickness goes around this time of year. Nothing spoils a family gathering faster than a bunch of achy, feverish, sniffling, coughing, sneezing people - and I don't want to be one of them. And, I wouldn't. I would stay away rather than expose others to the misery of my sickness. The best way to completely spoil Christmas is to get sick. Let's not go there! I'm not giving it a chance. I expect to remain in full holiday quarantine from now until midnight Christmas.

  • 5

    A CALL FROM THE BOSS

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    I understand the show must go on - and things happen. But, the last thing I want on Christmas Day is to get a call from the boss saying I'm needed for just a few minutes in the office. If it can't wait, chances are it's not my problem so leave me alone and let me enjoy the day with my fruitcake. On second thought, I'd rather come in to work. Thanks for the call!