How many jokes can you make about this couple who were recently arrested for doing the dirty at the Home Depot that involve wood, nails, and screws... Ready, go!! No bad jokes here, just letting you know that having sex in the Home Depot isn't advised, but there are places that are worse... 

Emily Craig, 20, and Shaun Bowden, 31, were sentenced last Thursday for having sex inside a display shed at a Home Depot store in North Charleston, S.C.

  • 10

    Grandparents' House

    Old people collect weird smells. Old peoples' houses, even weirder smells. The smell of ointments, cabbage, and loneliness—not exactly the holy trinity of aphrodisiacs.

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  • 9

    Futon

    Maybe it folds up on you, maybe it doesn't. The real concern is whether that's a stain from last night's ravioli or…?

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  • 8

    Alley

    From the heat of the moment to the heat pulling up in the black and white with the red and blues flashing. They're cuffing you, thinking you're the john and your girl is a prostitute.

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  • 7

    Stadium Bathroom

    Left foot stomping an old nacho. Right foot planted on the lip of the stained toilet seat. This how we always dreamed it would be. Just you, her, and a hundred amped-up drunk dudes. The smell of crap is wafting through the tiled hell, but thankfully that's distracting the horde from your lovemaking; they're pounding on the crapper's door, begging to take a piss. Then a roar goes up as something magical happens on the field outside.

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  • 6

    Girlfriend's Father's Car

    This might seem like the ultimate "F-you" to her old man, but think about it a little harder.

    Dude already hates you. How much is he gonna hate you when that sex smell hits his nostrils on the drive to work?

    He thought the steering wheel felt a little sticky. And what the hell is that lodged in the CD player?

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  • 5

    Church

    Sometimes people get infused with the Holy Spirit and feel moved to praise the Lord when in church. Other times, people hop in the confessional and defile one another in a host of unseemly and sticky ways. It is not our place to question the Lord.

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  • 4

    Retirement Home

    When Jon volunteered at the retirement home, he thought he'd sing a few songs, make a shitty wind chime with a bunch of sleeping, blue-haired ladies, and then be on his way, straight to an Ivy-league school that would appreciate his go-getter nature and kind heart.

    He never thought he'd end up balls deep in Phyllis while her roommate Dolores foxtrotted around the room.

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  • 3

    Train Tracks

    Though it should go without saying that having sex in the path of a fast moving super heavy chunk of iron, steel and pain is a bad idea, we'll say it anyway: having sex on train tracks is a bad idea.

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  • 2

    In The Cockpit

    In 1916, the first ever known case of sex on a plane resulted in a plane crash, so this fantasy got started off on the wrong foot and proved that some places are, in fact, inappropriate for getting frisky in.

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  • 1

    Prison

    The classic. We guess it isn't necessarily a bad place to have sex. It's more of a bad place to be had sex with. We feel so used.

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