5 Reasons The Apocalypse May Be Near

You try and hold out hope for humanity, yet there are many signs that the end may nearly be upon us. Here are 5 indications that it may be time to sell your earthly belongings and head for the bunker. Brace yourself.

5. They're making a sequel to The Goonies

Yep, there is a good chance The Goonies will finally get a sequel - at least according to Sean Astin. Run while you still can.

4. The original Guns N' Roses lineup may be reuniting

Axl and Slash are now making nice. Current members of Guns N' Roses are quitting. It's a perfect storm of 80's rock forming. How much longer before Axl and the rest of the guys cash in on what is sure to be a bazillion dollar reunion tour. If you go to one of the shows, let me know how it was. I'll be hiding in my underground cave.

3. Steven Tyler recorded a country album

I know the last few Aerosmith albums weren't exactly "gems" - Aerosmith pun intended - but Steven Tyler has gone full on boot scootin' boogie. I'm not a musical snob and appreciate all different types of music, but when the guy who sang "Back in the Saddle" starts crooning about his dog and his pickup truck, the missiles must be about to hit.

2. One of the best rock songs of the year was done by the Zac Brown Band

Yep, the band that gained fame with their song "Chicken Fried" recorded one of the best rock songs of the year "Heavy Is The Head". Now, we have to admit that for a country band, the Zac Brown Band is awesome. And, any band that travels with its own chef (Hi Rusty!) is OK with us. But, the fact that they uncorked one of the heaviest songs of the year should tell you that - to quote their song partner Chris Cornell from his Soundgarden days - the Black Hole Sun must be about to consume us.

1. I hit all of the green lights going east on North Avenue

Of all the signs presented here, this should be the most meaningful to all of us that live in Grand Junction. Today, I hit all of the green lights on North Avenue while traveling east. Yeah, I know. SHOCKING! What was once thought impossible has now happened. So, tell those close to you how much you love them. The end must be upon us.