How about a moment of true honesty? About 90% of the time, I truly hate Facebook. The other 10% is good enough that I plan to stick around since I do have some friends that I really want to stay in touch with. However, there are five types of Facebook status updates that really must be stopped. Now. Immediately. Please.

5. Workout Bragging

We sure are glad that you managed to run six miles today. Good for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cake that I need to get out of the fridge and eat. The best response I've ever seen to the notorious workout bragging update stated "The only time we want to hear about your workout is if you fell off the treadmill." Amen.

4. Gross Medical Injuries

Thank you for sharing that photo today. I never knew what an infected toe hit by a lawnmower looked like until I saw your update. Thanks to you, I will never be able to eat bratwurst again.

3. Share Shaming

Don't you love it when your friends post a pic that says "Share if you love the Lord, Scroll on by if you love Satan." Got news for you, I do love the Lord and no, I don't love Satan. But, Hell will freeze over before I post your gawd-awful pic on my Facebook wall.

2. Game Updates and Invites

Congratulations on making the 900th level of Candy Crush Saga Jam Adventure With Friends. Your boss must be so happy that you're sitting in the bathroom on your phone making little teddy bears eat jelly. But, if I see one more game invite from you, I'm going to shove that little fake green bear on your phone up the nearest body cavity.

1. Awkward Family Drama

I am sorry to hear that your cousin slept with your fiancee. And, it's too bad that your son owes you $100 that he borrowed for that prostitute he hooked up with in Tijuana. Maybe you can have this conversation somewhere 2,000 strangers won't see it. Or, perhaps Jerry Springer will book you on his TV show and let you vent with cameras too.