There are just some things you should never do when you're single and on the prowl.

You should never use the phrase "night cap" (unless you're Jack Tripper on Three's Company), never pick up a date with an Uber while claiming the driver is your chauffeur (no one will believe that while riding in a Camry) and never use one of these terrible cliches to express yourself.

The dating site On Mutual Terms looked through some of its least successful profiles to find the worst things people write. These are the comments people write that make prospective matches turn off their computer and shudder quicker than if someone said, "I live with my mother."

  1. Over the bar scene.
  2. Too busy to meet someone.
  3. I can’t believe I’m online dating.
  4. Looking for The One.
  5. Tired of games.
  6. Moonlit walks on the beach.
  7. 
I live life to the fullest.
  8. Want to be swept off my feet.
  9. I work hard and play hard.
  10. I want the total package.

Online dating is about as commonplace today as breathing, so let's lose this need to say what we think sounds compelling and alluring and try to be honest.

Let's take the above list and break down what people should write instead of what they did.

  1. Over the bar scene.
    TRANSLATION: I just got out of rehab.
  2. Too busy to meet someone.
    TRANSLATION: I have social anxiety disorder.
  3. I can’t believe I’m online dating.
    TRANSLATION
    : I somehow still have an internet connection even though I haven't paid my bill in five months.
  4. Looking for The One.
    TRANSLATION: I really just want to have sex with someone. Anyone.
  5. Tired of games. 
    TRANSLATION
    : I really just want to have sex with someone. Anyone.
  6. Moonlit walks on the beach.
    TRANSLATION
    : No one has found where I buried the body of my last girlfriend.
  7. 
I live life to the fullest.
    TRANSLATION
    : I'm looking for someone who'll give me her Netflix password.
  8. Want to be swept off my feet.
    TRANSLATION
    : This is the 20th dating site I've joined. Please pick me.
  9. I work hard and play hard.
    TRANSLATION
    : I just got laid off, so I have lots of time to hang out.
  10. I want the total package.
    TRANSLATION
    : I really just want to have sex with someone. Anyone.

Maybe someone will be so impressed by your honesty that you'll earn a first date. And maybe that will lead to a second and a third and before you know it you'll be married with 2.5 kids reminiscing to yourself about how awesome it was to be single.